Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Building resilience: healthy relationships


It really is a little obvious maybe: people with healthy relationships have more resilience. It still is quite interesting though how having positive relationships and social competences has a direct and positive influence on your health. Here some of the impacts that being friendly to the people around you has (according to the researches of Dr. David Hamilton and Dr. Helmut Kolitzus).

1. It reduces the harmful substances in your blood (so, it actually works a little like heart-medications).
2. You have less of a chance to catch a cold.
3. Being nice to others enhances the emissions of serotonin and dopamine, so that you are less affected by depression and feel generally happier and more positive towards life.
4. The life-expectancy of socially capable people is about 7 years higher.
5. You sleep better.
6. You have more energy and a clearer picture of your self-esteem.

Naturally this is by far not a limited list. It just shows how being friendly is (even solely for health-benefits) absolutely worth it!

That said, the core of the word friendly is friend (big surprise). But really, it is something every human being very much needs: friendship, friends, being understood and accepted. One of the reasons that my own resilience factor is as high as it is, is because I have and cherish great friendships, some already for over 40 years.

Here another short list of some of the results in regard to this resilience factor, again showing us the importance of developing it further and maintaining it:
- People with a strong developed resilience have learned to deal with themselves and with others in a positive manner. This also enables them to develop and maintain multiple healthy relationships. Relationships on which they can fall back in times of crisis.
- Resilient people are empathic and have developed the competence of judging the behavior of others correctly, and to understand their emotional and psychological situation.
- They are well able to ‘read’ non-verbal communication.
- They tend to life in accordance with their feelings.
- Working together with resilient people is great.

What to do if you are less of a relationship-hero? Or if you have only few positive relationships at the moment. First, practice makes perfect (yes, it is applicable here as well). A healthy relation is developed step by step (and it often takes a while). For instance, start with creating ‘good acquaintances’. Someone with whom you do stuff, or with whom you share interests. This can be someone from work, or someone you know via sport, or via a hobby. By the way, don’t forget that within your family there often are many ‘someones’ that could fit the picture perfectly as well.

Being social actually starts with kindness and being prepared to support someone. Practice that. Develop ‘good acquaintances’ and work towards and maintain good friendships.

Book-tip for this week is ‘Leadership and Self-Deception’, by the Arbinger Institute. A very practical book, among other things it deals with how to develop and maintain healthy relationships, and how to prevent frustrating ones

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