Buddies!

Friendships are a beautiful and very realistic social source of energy. Not everybody has a warm family, or lives in a truly motivating relationship. Even though these 2 are very important social sources, they are not for all of us, and certainly not always, there to tap into.

Lets start with this question: how do I develop lasting and motivating friendships? For many of us this actually starts with the question: how come it is not natural that we all have plenty of great and positive friendships?

Well, when I talk with managers and leaders about this, there are a few ‘excuses’ that are quite common:

1. No time, or no priority;

2. How to start? With whom?

3. Scared of being disappointed (again).

My proposition to you now: don’t start searching for a friend for life. Take a sheet of paper, and divide it in 3 columns:

- Buddies

- Friends

- Acquaintances

A Buddy is someone who is your best friend. Of these kinds of friends there are usually like 2-4 in your life.

A Friend is someone with whom you really like to do stuff, which you actually also do (4-19 times a year). Someone who knows you quite well, and who will give you feedback without holding back, but who also really appreciates you – as you are. Depending on the kind of person you are, one normally has about 3-20 ‘Friends’.

An acquaintance is someone that you already know, that you occasionally meet. Someone that is of interest to you, and you are of interest to him/her. Depending on your personality you have about 20 to 150 of these ‘Acquaintances’.

Developing a healthy and motivating circle of friends often just starts with rediscovering the people that you already know. So, write down those names that you feel ‘belong’ in the 3 columns. Then, think of ways to contact some of them.

Next week, we’ll look at some ideas, for the three categories, on how to ‘make friends’

Good luck on this exciting journey!

Paul Donders