Building resilience: and being amazed!

After an intensive trainingsday in Paris, together with 8 beautiful people, covering the theme: ‘how to build a positive team’, I am now sitting by myself in ‘Café de France’, on the ‘Place d' Italie’. Just before coming here I’ve changed into my relax-pants and a cozy sweater, and went looking for an inspiring nice typical French Café. And, obviously, I didn’t have to look far.

And already I am enjoying a glass of Saint Émelion, and I can take some time to write a little. I love it! Writing is one of the most ultimate ways for me to relax and be creative. And, in the middle of the autumn, which is the most busy and stressful time for me in the year, a little resilience is becoming quite handy…

The resilience-factor Nr. 2 is optimism and basic-trust. People that have an optimistic view of life, regenerate much faster after major efforts or high-stress-phases. Optimism is in this sense often a consequence of a positive attitude: ‘things will work out fine, after rain comes sunshine, etc.’! Optimism is also a consequence of positive amazement. Being amazed is an attitude through which one be positively surprised by (re)discovering the little things in life. Children are much better at this then us! It often seems we have unlearned it by growing up.

I am not someone who is amazed all the time either, mostly because I am just running through life (always somewhere to get to in time, always a lot on my mind, always feeling responsible for a lot of things). But that is exactly why I have to keep on learning to look around me, to enjoy the little things, to be able to be amazed, and to be really grateful for it!

‘Being amazed’ is something you can learn! A way to develop your mind, to be able to see and enjoy the little wonders around you in daily life, is by practicing gratefulness.

Here is a little exercise, something to start you off with! 

1. Write the names of 10 people down, people for whom you are grateful that they are in your life, and for everyone of them 10 things that you really appreciate about them.
2. Then, chose 3 people out of these 10, for whom you write a ‘thank-you-note’. Just write down three things that you really appreciate about them, and for which you are grateful. And, naturally, give them the ‘thank-you-note’! That way you also help them build their resilience by giving their day a real positive impulse.
3. Create a list of 5 things about your profession for which you are grateful for. For me (for instance) these could be: Being able to constantly get to know really interesting and beautiful people, to work in a team together with highly professional people who are also good friends of mine, to support people, to read so much, to discover new things, to develop new concepts – to try them out – to further develop them, and so forth.

We take so many things for granted, that we aren’t able to realize the enormous variety of little gifts that we receive each day! And exactly when things seem to go effortless it is important to build gratefulness and amazement. So that, in times of chaos, grief and despair you have this extra resilience to lean on.

Summarized:

• Optimism and basic-trust grow when you are able to be amazed about daily wonders and gifts.
• Gratefulness is something you can learn. It is something you have to practice for to be able to develop it into a constant habit.
• Optimistic and grateful people see the truth of all the beauty around them, which makes them stronger to deal with the reality of the troubles of life.

Paul Donders