Resilience & family

Steven Spielberg (66) joins his family for each diner at 6.30pm. He has already done so for 19 years now. His wife made this deal with him when he was about to start off with his new Studios ‘Dreamworks’. Next to being home for dinner, he also agreed to bring the kids to school in the mornings, and to spend most of the weekend with his family…

Steven got his Dreamworks, made quite the success out of it. He also gained a rather good work-rhythm, balanced his work-life-balance well, and is able to really enjoy time with his family! Perhaps you are inclined to say, ‘well, if I had the kind of money he has, my work-life-balance and work-rhythm and all that would look a lot different too!’ Than, don’t forget, you would possibly also gain a lot of stress, a totally different public life, and an endless amount of interesting and great projects. I coach quite some managers and leaders, and some of them have been able to maintain a pretty good work-life balance, and still spend quite some time with their family. But most of them haven’t.

If you would like your family to become a source of energy for you, you cannot get there without developing some rhythm together, nor without really investing time in your family, on a regularly basis. In the modern psychology the following 3 ancients have made quite the re-entry:

Rest

Purity

Regularity

How can you get some more rest in regard to family-life? Well, start by spending Sundays relaxing and enjoying each other. Or, try to arrange life so that you are able to join in more frequently for diner. The latter really helps to get into conversation with each other. To ask how a day has been, if something interesting has been done or experienced. To talk about plans. Or the old days.

Purity stands (in this regard) for, quiet, for clarity. For cleaning up. A tidy house, and a tidy room, is a place where your head and heart find more peace and quiet than in a messy chaotic house, obviously. Why not plan a whole day for cleaning, sorting and throwing stuff away? But, Purity also stands for silence. Something we I have already addressed somewhat in the previous blog. To gain so more silence in regard to your family you could for example just don’t watch the telly for a night. Put some slow music on, and read together. Or play a board-game, or something ancient like that.

Regularity is the rhythm that you, as a family, develop. Resilience grows when people have found their measure, and when they are at concert with each other. We, us humans, are in need of regularity, but I guess you all know that already. Without regularity we simply exhaust our bodies, and our souls. But also a family, or any social institution for that matter, really needs this regularity to function in a healthy way.

You want to have a fun family? Or gain energy from another way of living together with people you really care about? Start to redesign your ‘community’, and focus on rest, purity and regularity!

Paul Donders